Splitting from your partner but you both have children?
Financial settlements are complicated as it is. Add kids to the mix during a divorce ancillary relief Northern Ireland case and it all just goes a whole lot worse.
Let me tell you why…
Approximately 70% of divorce cases with children result in disputes over custody and access. This means most of the parents going through ancillary relief aren’t just dealing with financial division – they’re right in the thick of the most emotionally charged part of family separation.
Divorce ancillary relief proceedings focus on financial settlement and include property distribution, spousal maintenance and child support. But when children enter the picture the process and decisions look very different.
Key Points:
- How children impact financial settlements during ancillary relief
- The often overlooked co-parenting costs in divorce
- Why the family home becomes the key battleground
- Common custody disputes and their effect on financial division
- Making financial decisions with your children’s best interests in mind
Impact of Children on Ancillary Relief
Do you want to know the biggest factor in court decisions during ancillary relief?
Kids. Their welfare becomes the priority in the court’s eyes and every financial decision is evaluated through that lens. The court moves away from dividing the matrimonial pot down the middle 50/50 and starts asking: “How does this work for the children?”
It’s like this:
- Who gets to keep the family home for the kids to stay in a stable environment?
- How much spousal maintenance does the primary caregiver need to meet the children’s needs?
- What happens with school fees, extra-curricular activities?
The standard starting point for childless couples of a 50/50 split for child support? Scrap that the minute the judge knows there are children in the picture. The court can – and often will – order significantly more or less to one party to meet the needs of the children.
Family Home Challenges
You’re not going to like what I have to say here…
If there are no children in the divorce most of the time selling the family home and splitting the profits makes the most sense. Clean break. Move on with your life. But throw in a child or two and…
The court’s main focus is on the kids staying in the same environment. School, routine, familiar faces – it all matters and the court values that. This means one parent is typically going to get the children in the family home and the other has to find other accommodation.
And here’s the kicker:
The parent who moves out might not be able to find affordable alternative housing while all the money is tied up in the family home. The court will often issue a “Mesher Order” delaying sale of the house until the youngest child turns 18 or finishes education. Years – or even decades – of waiting to access your share of the marital pot.
Tricky situation, right?
Throw in mortgage payments, maintenance costs and the reality of reduced earning capacity for the parent remaining in the home because of childcare responsibilities. It just gets worse.
The Cost of Co-Parenting
Let me share something few divorcing parents seem to consider:
There are real financial implications to co-parenting that go way beyond child maintenance costs. About 65% of divorced parents cite co-parenting as one of the biggest challenges of divorce. These are challenges that are often very expensive.
Let’s talk about co-parenting costs:
Household goods need to be duplicated so kids have what they need in both homes. Travel for school runs and handovers if you’re not local to each other. Holiday expenses and planning if both parents want time over the school breaks. Medical costs, school uniform, technology – every discussion is another potential sticking point.
Nearly 50% of divorced parents say they still experience high levels of conflict with their ex-spouse. Where conflict exists, these decisions can become battlegrounds. Battling over money costs both money and increased legal costs.
Child Maintenance Vs Child Support Orders
Hang on…
Child maintenance and child support orders are different and it’s important to know that during ancillary relief. Child maintenance generally is calculated using the Child Maintenance Service guidelines and covers the child’s everyday living expenses. Ancillary relief can issue additional child support orders to cover:
- School fees and educational expenses
- Childcare costs
- Medical/dental treatment
- Extra-curricular activities
- Housing costs that benefit the children
The court will assess both parties incomes, financial needs and – most importantly – what the children actually require. Parents who have been supporting private education throughout marriage might see that ordered as part of child support payments even if it stretches budgets.
Child Custody and Access Affect Financial Decisions
And this is where things can get really messy…
Custody and access to children should be resolved separate to financial matters. But let’s be honest? They aren’t. You can’t settle finances until you have an idea what the childcare arrangements are.
Anecdotally I know that some parents will play the “custody” card as leverage during ancillary relief to bargain and negotiate for financial benefit. The courts hate this. Cases drag on, costs spiral and nobody wins – least of all the children.
Hence the court making a real effort to push parties towards negotiation and settlement. It will ask the parties to meet and try to agree at multiple points throughout the process. Judge-led settlement discussions and intensive negotiations are normal pre-final hearing. The goal is everyone making sensible decisions and minimising the trauma and expense of a final hearing.
Thinking of Your Children First
But here’s the thing…
Divorce ancillary relief proceedings with children are hard enough for the children without parents playing money games and making additional conflict around finances. Research shows that 42% of children from divorced families say they face more challenges than other children.
Financial stress just makes everything worse for children. Parents fighting over every pound or using money as a bargaining chip is going to make your children feel that.
Children’s welfare is the courts priority above everything else. Their immediate welfare and financial stability – and long-term stability. Parents making decisions with their children’s best interests at heart is ultimately what the court is going to require anyway. Fighting it is just a waste of money that could be going to support your children.
Helpful Tips For Your Children
So now the real question is what should you do?
Be realistic about the family home. If the other parent can’t afford to rent or buy suitable accommodation for the children while you keep the family home, that’s not in anyone’s interests. Selling and both parents having housing appropriate to their needs is a better solution sometimes.
Be open about all child-related costs. Parents make a list of absolutely everything the children need – school fees, activities, medical, clothing – and they openly discuss how it will all be provided.
Cooperate rather than compete. The court wants to see parents who work together – who can show some flexibility and pragmatism in negotiations are going to reach settlements faster and cheaper.
Consider the ages and stages of your children. Costs change as children grow up. Build in a review of additional child support at an agreed stage rather than fighting it later.
Legal Advice is Crucial
The truth about ancillary relief cases with children involved…
This stuff is not simple. Childcare, child support, housing and needs, financial division. The interplay between all these factors needs expertise. Without it it’s very common to see parents coming away with unfair settlements.
Expert legal advice can help you understand your rights, options and best negotiation points. Ancillary relief cases can take a year or more through the court process but a good solicitor will do everything they can to settle before that point saving you time and money.
The Bottom Line
Divorce ancillary relief cases with children are not just about splitting money and property. It’s about building as much financial stability as possible for your children through one of the most traumatic times in their lives.
They’re real challenges. Research shows that 40% of children experience parental divorce by age 18 and every case brings a different set of difficulties. But with the right approach – putting the children first, looking for areas to cooperate and getting proper legal advice – parents can agree settlements that are in their children’s best interests.
The court will make your children’s welfare the number one priority. All you need to do is the same.
